There are a few common habits resulting from stupidity that are often seen in many local McDonald’s* drive-thrus across America. I would like to educate the public with a few quick and easy tips that will make McDonald’s employees jobs a little bit easier and a lot less frustrating!
1. When ordering a meal, don’t say: “super size me”!
That “coincidently” stopped when “super size me” the movie came out, sorry to disappoint all you pigs out there.
2. When the order taker asks you to “please wait one moment”, please wait. You impatient fat pig! Don’t assume that we said “order now, you fat lard”! ‘Cus we didn’t!
3. While we’re on the subject of waiting, when you pull up to the window don’t shout “HELLO!” we can hear you perfectly fine, you numb skull! We will take your order as soon as we’re ready.
4. Another important thing to remember when you’re near the microphone, be careful of what you say. We can hear EVERYTHING that goes on in your car! So, next time you decide to turn around inside your car and smack your kids up, wait until you get home. We don’t want to hear another episode of Jerry Springer going on live, via McDonald’s microphone.
5. When ordering in the drive-thru please know that we speak English and we expect you to speak English also, so learn it! Muchas Gracias! Have a nice day!
6. While we’re on the subject of speaking good English; for all of you foreigners, who might not speak English too well, please carefully enunciate your words. Trust me no body wants a “bijj smack” instead of a “Big Mac”. But, if you really want a “bijj smack”, we can give you a “bijj smack”. Free of charge! Just promptly pull up to the window, stick your head out of your window as far as it will go, you’ll soon feel a sharp (and quick) pain in your face. Enjoy!
7. Another helpful hint: they have a menu outside so you can decide what you want to order when you pull up to the window, BEFORE you get to the window (duh!). It’s very annoying when you ask someone what they would like to order and they say “uhhhhhhh…”! So please look at the menu first, maybe you could try staring at it, or even try reading it! What a good idea! Captain Obvious will be very proud!
8. For all you homies out there. Don’t come into the drive thru with your big flashy SUV’s, with your $5000 rims, and order the 3 most popular items on the dollar menu: the double cheeseburger, mcchicken sandwich, and small fries. You’re not rich, and you’re not “gangsta”! Ya gay!
9. Don’t come into the drive-thru and ask for some free “hook ups”! We don’t know you, or care about you, so why would we care to “hooks you up”? There’s a homeless shelter, 3 blocks over and 1 block down, ya cheapskate!
10. When you come up to the window and have already paid for your food, don’t ask if you can add something! You were supposed to decide what you wanted to order when you took those long 5 minutes trying to decide on your order (duhhh!). (Be sure to make a note of number 7, also)
11. Another wise choice you can try making next time. Don’t order a number one large and ask for a diet coke! It really doesn’t do you that much good; and if you’re going to be that much of a pig, you might as well go the whole nine yards!
12. And last, but not least! Don’t come back after you went through the drive-thru over 2 hours ago and say the food wasn’t up to your “quality of standard”, we see you here all the time.
Jerk! It must not have been that bad if you ate it, you fat lard! McDonald’s is about “fast food”. We never said anything about it tasting good. Fricken idiots, gosh!
“Thankyou! [smile] Please DON’T come again, and have a great day!”
*McDonald’s does not know of this and probably wouldn’t endorse it in any way.
**Repost this or else Ronald McDonald will murder you with bijj smacks (not big macs) in 27 hours, 13 minutes, and 56 seconds!!!!!!
***This bulletin wasn’t meant to be offensive, it was meant to educate the stupid people of this country.
**** This bulletin is almost completely grammatically correct.
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